I don’t know in what ways I have changed over the last one year but one thing is for sure that I continue to be still lonely and still live alone. I still continue to talk less and don’t reveal myself. I don’t mind staying alone, but loneliness is not desirable. This loneliness or staying alone has helped me explore myself better and has made my ambitions and how to achieve them clearer. I now have a better perspective of life and a better understanding of how things work and are likely to work in the future. Making sense, or too philosophical? Me and philosophical, well I better not say anything.
My trip to Calcutta has been a pleasant one so far where I met up everyone and realized how people have changed over time. Ok, let me put it this way, may be they were that way but I didn’t realize that they were such. Some people continue to be the same and have that genuineness while others look and sound extremely materialistic and selfish / opportunist, so much so that you start hating them after a point of time. But yes, its nice observing them and understanding the fact that you have realized the fact that they are not what you thought them to be or they have changed. What makes me sad is that the people whom I thought to be really selfish a year or two back are not actually so. I never took them on their face value but now I repent that I should have taken them on their face values. This trip has been interesting in terms of me loosing self control and indulging in some not so pleasant acts, leaving me feeling guilty for quite sometime! There are a few people who claim that they know me, but I wonder if they really know me or they are just trying to be nice to me or they are making an honest effort to know me and understand me. They feel that I am very predictable and easy to be understood, but have they ever peeped into my thought process ever, no I guess! Ok, may be they understand some parts of me, so I should not try to falsify their claims. Also I want this year and my last two semesters in DSE to pass by smoothly and healthily because it means a lot to me, primarily because I have woven a dream in the last two days and I can make it come true only if I manage to exist successfully in DSE.
I have also promised to myself to take a different view of life, to accept people the way they are not change them in anyway, something which I did all these years. Have promised myself to start implementing the policy of live and let live policy, which I believed but never implemented! Have promised myself to enjoy life and enjoy the little things in life and look at the positive side of it.
To make this list of long promises short, I am tired of myself and want to rejuvenate myself completely and want to evolve as a new person a new human being…
Lets see where I land up in the coming two months and how far can I change myself in these months. But yes new place, new people and new environment should help me change myself..
And yeah, those concrete and abstract thoughts will show up soon in this space, interested ones can keep watching this place!
My trip to Calcutta has been a pleasant one so far where I met up everyone and realized how people have changed over time. Ok, let me put it this way, may be they were that way but I didn’t realize that they were such. Some people continue to be the same and have that genuineness while others look and sound extremely materialistic and selfish / opportunist, so much so that you start hating them after a point of time. But yes, its nice observing them and understanding the fact that you have realized the fact that they are not what you thought them to be or they have changed. What makes me sad is that the people whom I thought to be really selfish a year or two back are not actually so. I never took them on their face value but now I repent that I should have taken them on their face values. This trip has been interesting in terms of me loosing self control and indulging in some not so pleasant acts, leaving me feeling guilty for quite sometime! There are a few people who claim that they know me, but I wonder if they really know me or they are just trying to be nice to me or they are making an honest effort to know me and understand me. They feel that I am very predictable and easy to be understood, but have they ever peeped into my thought process ever, no I guess! Ok, may be they understand some parts of me, so I should not try to falsify their claims. Also I want this year and my last two semesters in DSE to pass by smoothly and healthily because it means a lot to me, primarily because I have woven a dream in the last two days and I can make it come true only if I manage to exist successfully in DSE.
I have also promised to myself to take a different view of life, to accept people the way they are not change them in anyway, something which I did all these years. Have promised myself to start implementing the policy of live and let live policy, which I believed but never implemented! Have promised myself to enjoy life and enjoy the little things in life and look at the positive side of it.
To make this list of long promises short, I am tired of myself and want to rejuvenate myself completely and want to evolve as a new person a new human being…
Lets see where I land up in the coming two months and how far can I change myself in these months. But yes new place, new people and new environment should help me change myself..
And yeah, those concrete and abstract thoughts will show up soon in this space, interested ones can keep watching this place!
5 comments:
I believe that you are thinking alot...a lot of our problem arise because we desire to control the situation which is beyond any human capacity.....we forget that we will end up doing only what we are made to do.....we forget that what we think is good for us may not actually be the best for us....we forget that we cannot do anything but act on what we have to do...anyway, wishing you the best in all your endevours, in life.
I believe that you are thinking alot...a lot of our problem arise because we desire to control the situation which is beyond any human capacity.....we forget that we will end up doing only what we are made to do.....we forget that what we think is good for us may not actually be the best for us....we forget that we cannot do anything but act on what we have to do...anyway, wishing you the best in all your endevours, in life.
where there is a will ...there is a way ...... god bless.
the pen is mightier than a sword...dont let it stop.
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