Its been sometime that I wasn't believing in my dreams, wasn't believing in myself... Remember the blog where I had raised the question if I would ever fall in love...?
Life has taken me thorough a series of ups and downs and I have taken some selfish decisions... I have started believing in myself and my dreams.... It feels to good think again in the way I always wanted to...
I don't know if I will call it a coincidence or what, but yeah what is happening to me is actually making me feel good...
Though to make myself feel good, I had to make some people feel bad, but at the end of the day I do care for them and am with them through their tough times....
It feels good to have your faith revived and to have self confidence back... But yes with these things back I have some more things to take care off... Somethings to decide and some answers to find...
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Friday, September 14, 2007
B.A.C.K
Have been sleeping for sometime and thought I will just pen down stuff which has happened in the last couple of months… College this year is much fun than it was last year and I am liking it, if not enjoying to the full extent… Term paper, ShARE work, classes and hanging around is actually keeping me busy and not giving me any time to think about myself, good in one way that I do not have to crib about my past and my present state…
People claim that I am a pretty disgusting person who irritates others a lot, who uses others a lot just for his vested interest, who is pathetically shameless J. I like criticisms because its good to hear something other than straight forward and rude… Those adjectives have become pretty old and mundane too… May be my diplomacy has crossed all limits that I have become shameless J. But yes, I wish, the lesser mortals could understand such… Being superficial and not letting others peep inside me has been my nature and its nothing new… Because I shudder that once I let you peep inside me I will be shattered during a phase of emotional downturn… People fail to see the sensitive side of me, the beautiful side of me, the different myself… sob sob!
After coming back to Delhi, I have realized that its only 7 more months of living this dream – Delhi School of Economics… When I go back to my second year of college I just remember how much I wanted to be in this place and now when I see myself, I realize that its another 7 months… I want to make the most of it so that I can recollect each moment in my vacant and pensive mood… When lonely and with no company these memories bring back a smile on your frown face… And for lesser mortals like me, these memories are not associated with any pains….
Things are looking different and also beautiful and clueless too… Wonder why….? Keep wondering !
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Hours..
Jo called me a hyper case the moment I posted my last blog.. But let me tell you guys it doesn’t concern me in anyway… It’s about a friend whom I met after a long time and this change is pertaining to him.. What surprised me about him was once a shy and simple guy having strong moral values, doing stuff like this is kind of strange to me. So I just wanted to know if you guys also feel that way or not…
It’s been almost 6 days I am in Kolkata, sitting back at home and sleeping. Trying my best to help mom and dad so that things with my folks are in a comfortable situation once I go back to hell. Have been watching some movies off late… The Hours -- heard so much from so many people that I decided to watch it. I managed to get hold of the VCD after a lot of hard work. I had to watch the movie twice to understand it almost completely. I must say that apart from the beautiful plot which deals with the one day ( few hours actually) life of three unhappy women, the dialogue’s are very strong…They explained some mundane concepts with great subtlety -- happiness is a moment and not a phase… Mrs. Dalloway throws a party to cover the silence… No one couldn’t have been happy than the two of us… It goes on to explain the importance of that one person in your life and how things start looking meaningful in his or her presence… And when you think back every other moment spent in the company of others appears to be so stupid and meaningless… Beautiful movie, demands some attention, because the dialogues are important to feel and understand the movie…
At the same time, I have been missing my work place a lot and the people around me… There was so much to learn and grasp in the last two months… I spoke to a friend today who is still there and she feels the same way… She was also feeling bad to leave the place. I don’t know what magic has been spelled on us, but all of us seem to have a heavy heart when we are about to leave… Is it the work place only or the magic of Mumbai also…? I am sure that this feeling and realization will further intensify once we get back to Delhi, our old Delhi! The best part of my two months stay was that I regained my capacity to think, which I lost completely after joining Delhi School and wish to maintain that and not loose it again…
It’s been almost 6 days I am in Kolkata, sitting back at home and sleeping. Trying my best to help mom and dad so that things with my folks are in a comfortable situation once I go back to hell. Have been watching some movies off late… The Hours -- heard so much from so many people that I decided to watch it. I managed to get hold of the VCD after a lot of hard work. I had to watch the movie twice to understand it almost completely. I must say that apart from the beautiful plot which deals with the one day ( few hours actually) life of three unhappy women, the dialogue’s are very strong…They explained some mundane concepts with great subtlety -- happiness is a moment and not a phase… Mrs. Dalloway throws a party to cover the silence… No one couldn’t have been happy than the two of us… It goes on to explain the importance of that one person in your life and how things start looking meaningful in his or her presence… And when you think back every other moment spent in the company of others appears to be so stupid and meaningless… Beautiful movie, demands some attention, because the dialogues are important to feel and understand the movie…
At the same time, I have been missing my work place a lot and the people around me… There was so much to learn and grasp in the last two months… I spoke to a friend today who is still there and she feels the same way… She was also feeling bad to leave the place. I don’t know what magic has been spelled on us, but all of us seem to have a heavy heart when we are about to leave… Is it the work place only or the magic of Mumbai also…? I am sure that this feeling and realization will further intensify once we get back to Delhi, our old Delhi! The best part of my two months stay was that I regained my capacity to think, which I lost completely after joining Delhi School and wish to maintain that and not loose it again…
Questions....
He was standing in front of the mirror to realize that he is 23 and that things will get worse from now on -- in terms of looks. His hard work, his dedication to get that attractive look will all go in vain. He did all this to find the right girl for himself, someone to fall in love with. But he failed in the last couple of years…
23 and still single -- believes that life ends at 35 and that one should do and see and experience everything in life. Frustrated and tired he decided to get into a relationship with a gorgeous and smart girl -- he wants to be normal. Normal is a subjective word, but he defines it in a way which means that not to lead a celibate life and be like what many of the modern Indian youths are doing.. He wants to be in a relationship for the heck of it, no feelings from both sides, only lust probably and the madness involved with the idea of falling in love…
Is he justified to do what he is doing? Isn’t he being too pessimistic bout life? Isn’t the change he is undergoing not a change for the better future? I want you to reply to it seriously.
23 and still single -- believes that life ends at 35 and that one should do and see and experience everything in life. Frustrated and tired he decided to get into a relationship with a gorgeous and smart girl -- he wants to be normal. Normal is a subjective word, but he defines it in a way which means that not to lead a celibate life and be like what many of the modern Indian youths are doing.. He wants to be in a relationship for the heck of it, no feelings from both sides, only lust probably and the madness involved with the idea of falling in love…
Is he justified to do what he is doing? Isn’t he being too pessimistic bout life? Isn’t the change he is undergoing not a change for the better future? I want you to reply to it seriously.
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Anxiety awaits...!
With a heavy heart I left office on 29th evening. The experience was good, the learning was excellent. It’s not so easy to get away with what you love and its actually a major pain, something which I have been through in the past, something I would look forward to in the future… The experience of going to the airport on 30th was equally enticing! With incessant downpour and will scarce public transport plying on that day, things were even more challenging. Roads becoming river, NGO’s trying to help smooth out the entire process of commuting and rescue, kids playing on the roads were a welcome sight! Moving around with your own bag and watching the frustrated passengers at the airport and the airport officials desperate attempt to answer the frustrating passengers was a good time pass! The flight finally took off at 9.00pm to reach at around 11.30pm. Just like I was emotional to leave home last year, it was emotional for me to leave Mumbai and my workplace. I loved my work and enjoyed every moment spent in Mumbai. Some of the things were not upto my expectations but they were compensated by many of the other good things which have happened to me during my stay. Good that I came back on 30th evening to know that things at home are not just fine and I have to work towards it with the rest of the members to help improve the condition at home and to help mom and dad to ease much of the tension they are going through. We two brothers are doing just that and hope to tide over the crisis in a short time…
Two months, the best two months of my life in the last 4 years, were so good that I cannot probably explain it in words… To all, enjoy Mumbai and feel the positive vibes the city sends out…
Back home and soon will be back to hell, period of tension and anxiety awaits me from the 16th… Will my new self help me tide over the situation.. The questions is haunting me… The answer is awaiting…!
Two months, the best two months of my life in the last 4 years, were so good that I cannot probably explain it in words… To all, enjoy Mumbai and feel the positive vibes the city sends out…
Back home and soon will be back to hell, period of tension and anxiety awaits me from the 16th… Will my new self help me tide over the situation.. The questions is haunting me… The answer is awaiting…!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
R = Ronit R= Romance
My last blog seemed to have been a pretty depressing and hence so many, why, what, how, when etc. questions coming in… Yes it was depressing because a few incidents did turn me off, but then again you get along with life because nothing stops because you are hurt… All that you can do is to learn from your experiences and make it a point that it is never repeated… That’s what I did and like Srijita said, I should start trusting people, I do trust people, but there are things other that trust which can affect you, something which is apparently less important than trust but can be more painful. But the good part is that its now over and I have grown stronger!
Things are going good and the feeling of satisfaction still rules over me…Dance bar experience to getting heady with friends on a night when its drizzling and the cool breeze is blowing -- was just amazing. In a weather where its drizzling, cool breeze is blowing and everything is silent you would probably love to be with someone and enjoy those moments of togetherness and enjoy the serenity of the weather outside and the warmth of the situation! The weather was so damn romantic that it would turn an unromantic bastard to God of Love, Romance, Passion etc etc..
The dance bar experience needs special mention and I know a lot many conclusions will follow, but I would love to hear them…!
We all decided that we would go for dinner and as planned we decided to go to the Dhaba’s which are there on Wadala Road. Reaching there we saw that it was bustling with people and there were innumerable Dhaba’s in that area. All of the Dhaba’s proudly announced “BAR AND RESTAURENT” and “AC AND NON AC”. It was very humid and so we chose to go for the AC part of the B&R. A guard awaited at the shady gate and another inside. We were directed upstairs towards a locked room which has frosted glass. We could hear loud music and could see some lights flashing. The guard, on being enquired said that orchestra is being played and we were all delighted to enjoy the music. The door was unlocked and to our surprise we saw three ‘beauty queens’ dancing and singing. Shocked and surprised we were, we didn’t know what to do and decided to tactfully deal with the situation and left the place in a few minutes to go to the bar part of the shady place, which was on the ground floor. We stayed there for a while and tried to get over the shocking experience we had a while back and then left for another amazing place which was extremely costly but it probably had the best décor I have seen in the recent times!
So on the whole it was a different sort of experience and since that experience I have been observing all places having B&R tag and it seemed to me that most of them have a part which would entertain their customers!
Strange city, strange experience….for a change!
Things are going good and the feeling of satisfaction still rules over me…Dance bar experience to getting heady with friends on a night when its drizzling and the cool breeze is blowing -- was just amazing. In a weather where its drizzling, cool breeze is blowing and everything is silent you would probably love to be with someone and enjoy those moments of togetherness and enjoy the serenity of the weather outside and the warmth of the situation! The weather was so damn romantic that it would turn an unromantic bastard to God of Love, Romance, Passion etc etc..
The dance bar experience needs special mention and I know a lot many conclusions will follow, but I would love to hear them…!
We all decided that we would go for dinner and as planned we decided to go to the Dhaba’s which are there on Wadala Road. Reaching there we saw that it was bustling with people and there were innumerable Dhaba’s in that area. All of the Dhaba’s proudly announced “BAR AND RESTAURENT” and “AC AND NON AC”. It was very humid and so we chose to go for the AC part of the B&R. A guard awaited at the shady gate and another inside. We were directed upstairs towards a locked room which has frosted glass. We could hear loud music and could see some lights flashing. The guard, on being enquired said that orchestra is being played and we were all delighted to enjoy the music. The door was unlocked and to our surprise we saw three ‘beauty queens’ dancing and singing. Shocked and surprised we were, we didn’t know what to do and decided to tactfully deal with the situation and left the place in a few minutes to go to the bar part of the shady place, which was on the ground floor. We stayed there for a while and tried to get over the shocking experience we had a while back and then left for another amazing place which was extremely costly but it probably had the best décor I have seen in the recent times!
So on the whole it was a different sort of experience and since that experience I have been observing all places having B&R tag and it seemed to me that most of them have a part which would entertain their customers!
Strange city, strange experience….for a change!
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Wonder If I....
I wonder if I can ever fall in love…
I wonder if I’ll ever get some genuine and good friends…
I wonder if I’ll get someone who will have something called self-control…
Wondering, what is this guy upto? Yeah, its true, I don’t have a confidante and that is what lacks badly in my life..
Being reserved by nature has worked against me and has never helped me in anyway… I see people going out of their way and sharing their view points, their emotions and thoughts, but I just can’t. It takes so much of time for me to open up…. I have so many things to say, but I just end up being silent.
Will I ever get anyone who will make me talk? Who’ll ever make me feel comfortable? Who’ll ever understand me in and out…?
Leaving aside my Mother, no one has yet understood me or no one has yet trie to understand me, something which I will repent. If I can take the pain of knowing someone, why can’t someone else?
I think it’s got to do with something more than a friend; I need more of a confidante than a friend to know me!
Peddat Road, Chems Corner – a beautiful area and amazing apartments – all sea facing just allured me and I was spellbound – beautifully decorated, well maintained and above all the sea and the beautiful pet dog of my aunt just added to the beauty of everything…
I believe no one is perfect – and I think I am one who will experience a lot of things and will be devoid of someone to share the experiences with – other that these blogs!
What I have now on my face is a Monalisa smile ! Can anyone help...?
I wonder if I’ll ever get some genuine and good friends…
I wonder if I’ll get someone who will have something called self-control…
Wondering, what is this guy upto? Yeah, its true, I don’t have a confidante and that is what lacks badly in my life..
Being reserved by nature has worked against me and has never helped me in anyway… I see people going out of their way and sharing their view points, their emotions and thoughts, but I just can’t. It takes so much of time for me to open up…. I have so many things to say, but I just end up being silent.
Will I ever get anyone who will make me talk? Who’ll ever make me feel comfortable? Who’ll ever understand me in and out…?
Leaving aside my Mother, no one has yet understood me or no one has yet trie to understand me, something which I will repent. If I can take the pain of knowing someone, why can’t someone else?
I think it’s got to do with something more than a friend; I need more of a confidante than a friend to know me!
Peddat Road, Chems Corner – a beautiful area and amazing apartments – all sea facing just allured me and I was spellbound – beautifully decorated, well maintained and above all the sea and the beautiful pet dog of my aunt just added to the beauty of everything…
I believe no one is perfect – and I think I am one who will experience a lot of things and will be devoid of someone to share the experiences with – other that these blogs!
What I have now on my face is a Monalisa smile ! Can anyone help...?
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